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When I bump into someone on the elevator and they ask me what I do, I tell them, “I work with men whose thoughts or behaviors are inconsistent with who they really are. I help them understand where those unhealthy thoughts and behaviors came from, and then help them learn new thought patterns and behaviors to replace the dysfunctional ones. I also work with couples to help them restore trust and health to their relationship.”
Hope & Freedom Counseling Services provides individual, couples, and group therapy for men and their partners where sex addiction is a factor. We also offer Three-Day Intensives where men or couples can get a jumpstart in recovery from sex addiction. Intensives are also useful for men who have been unsuccessful in establishing long-term sobriety or as a step-down treatment for men returning from in-patient treatment.
Two words have always been important to me as I have done this work. The first word is hope. From the first day in recovery from sex addiction I tell men that there is hope. I want them to walk out of my office having a real sense of hope that life can be different. They do not have to continue being involved in incomprehensible and demoralizing behaviors.
The second word is freedom. It is possible for men to live free from the behaviors that have cheapened their lives. To be sure, it is not freedom from sex addiction. What we know about addiction is that the propensity to return to the addictive behaviors will always be present. What they can enjoy is freedom within the addiction.
I tell my clients that in their recovery journey they will be able to look at themselves in the mirror and say, “You are a good man,” and know from the bottom of their hearts that those words are true. Negative self-talk that has plagued them since childhood will gradually end and be replaced with healing words that they speak to themselves. I believe recovery is an adventure. And in the end, clients have a much fuller, richer, more meaningful life than they would have had if they had never had any compulsive behaviors to conquer.
In treating compulsive sexual behavior, I am not concerned as to whether or not a man can identify himself as a sex addict. If you have compulsive sexual behavior in your life and are willing to work hard to eliminate it, I am willing to work with you and support you through that process.
Sex addiction is treatable. The question is whether or not a person is ready for treatment. Unfortunately some people seem to have the need to decend lower into addiction and experience greater losses before they are ready to seek help.
I use a variety of psychotherapy techniques including cognitive-behavioral therapy, gestalt therapy, solution-focused therapy, task-centered therapy, and group therapy, as well as other approaches that may fit a given client; I am unapologetically Christian and always approach the therapy relationship with a pastor’s heart. The focus of the psychotherapy sessions is to help men and their families chart a course of lifelong recovery from sex addiction that includes identifying triggers, learning how to set healthy boundaries, and live a life that is marked by integrity. In short, the therapy is designed to help men reclaim their lives and couples to reestablish trust so they can enjoy a joyful and rewarding a relationship.
Milton S. Magness
D Min, MA Psy, LPC, CSAT, CART
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