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While entering recovery often comes as the result of a crisis, continuing in recovery can be a grand adventure. It is first of all an adventure into:
Sobriety
Sobriety is the thing that is most illusive for a sex addict prior to entering recovery. Through “white knuckling” it, some persons are able to stop acting out for days, weeks, months, and sometimes years. But they know that the acting out will return. Upon entering recovery, a sex addict soon discovers that he no longer has to rely on a “white knuckle” approach to maintaining sobriety. Rather, he is able to appropriate tools that make long-term sobriety possible. And for the person who has not been sober in a great while—perhaps for all of their adult life—maybe for as long as they remember, sobriety itself is an adventure. Finding out that they can go a week, then a month, then several months without acting out, is an immensely affirming experience. But if sobriety is the goal, the journey is not much fun. It is like walking through a desert. Lots of sand, heat, sun, and not much fun. Therefore, the goal is not sobriety but recovery.
Recovery
If that is the goal of this adventure, what exactly is recovery?
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The dictionary defines recovery as:
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…bring back to normal position or condition: |
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For many, the greatest difficulty is identifying what normal is. And it may be impossible for some to remember what life was like before addiction because addiction has been a part of life from their earliest memory. Therefore, to bring back to normal means entering into a life-long quest to discover normality. |
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…to make up for: |
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This is a tall order. For some, it may seem as if a lifetime of right living will not make up for the acting out of the past. In truth, for the partner of a sex addict, that is very close to true. Sex addicts can never fully appreciate the injury done to a partner. But in the process of recovery, as long-term sobriety is established, and the sex addict and his/her partner learn new boundaries, a new way of relating, new sexual behaviors—to a large extent recovery does make up for what addiction took away. |
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…to find or identify again: |
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This may include re-identifying career and relationship goals as well as character traits the client wants to mark his life. |
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…to get back: |
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For the sex addict, recovery means reclaiming his life. Recovery means being able to look in the mirror and say, “I really like the person I see!” |
Recovery is So Much More Than Sobriety!
Recovery Means:
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New boundaries |
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New traffic patterns |
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New friends |
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New behaviors |
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New time management skills |
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New life |
It Also Means an End to:
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Isolation |
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Narcissism (admittedly this is probably a work in progress) |
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Self-loathing |
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And many other things |
 Adventure in Recovery is an acknowledgment that recovery begins with a quest for sobriety but then continues throughout life, long after there is no longer a daily struggle to not act out. Adventure in Recovery is embracing the concept that throughout life, the goal of the journey is to be our best self.
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